The Tattoo
December 29, 2017
It all started when I consumed the Thai shake for the first time.
As the Sun was setting and my representation of reality was shifting, a thought surfaced: Although the Sun is parting in this moment it will expectedly reappear in another. Whatever the perspective, the Earth, the Sun, the Universe, us, me; everything revolves around everything, even life itself. But would a revolving life be nothing more than infinite reincarnations until this exact life is lived again? If everything follows a revolutionary path, how is it that anything can hold meaning if every moment and experience is repeated for eternity? Why then am I overwhelmed by this sunset, by its mesmerizing spectrum of colours, by the parallels it draws with life and death, with anything?
I looked up to the clouds; what did I see? Random particles that somehow form together to create a moving image, a cloud, or is it a woman laying down, deep in thought; waiting for God to change her life. I see what I want to see. The question then became: do I want to see and experience “simple” or do I want to see and experience “complex?” If these words represent opposite ends of a spectrum then what would I find at each end?
What is the most simple image, a dot or an empty circle, maybe just a single line; what about the most complex idea, would it be life in all its articulations? What about transcended life; what about artificial intelligence? Upon its awakening, would A.I. continue to grow in complexity or will it aim to simplify; and at what point will these two ends meet? Will they continue to revolve around each other or will they merge together and coil up towards transcendence?
“Same-same but different” rung truer than ever. The destination, transcendence, is always the same but it’s the path of getting there that forever changes; re-evolution. Then in that sense, would revolution be best symbolized by a circle; for in this context, it simultaneously represents the simplest and the most complex ideas and realities?
This is when I fooled myself into believing I solved the meaning of life: Whatever meaning is inferred is also outwardly given whether the belief is in colours, images, emotions, the Universe, God; meaning comes from within. That then makes us each a uniquely and infinitely complex source of meaning.
What happens when meaning is no longer given to that which does not matter? Ideas of past and future no longer exist and we are completely enveloped in the present moment. This is oneness, this is enlightenment, this is Nirvana, this is Heaven, but is this what I want? Not now.
I began coming to, and it was time to leave. I experienced a taste of pure love; a tease to help me get through this life. I couldn’t stay because there’s still so much to do and so much to learn, and there’s still too many sleeping sheep that need awakening.
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I believed I got all I ever could out of my travels; however, to leave prematurely would be, in part, cowardly as there are always new lessons to learn. ALWAYS.
We ended up spending a great chunk of time in Khanom. It was simply amazing with nothing to do except read, write, draw, walk, and exercise; everything worthy of my time.
From Khanom it was straight back to Koh Tao, back to partying: mindlessly drinking and smoking in attempts to wheel girls and have “fun.”
On one of the first few nights back, as I was walking drunkenly towards Fishbowl club I spotted a guy up ahead with an attractive girl around his arm. I thought, “what does he have that I don’t?” Instead of moping around all lonely and shit, I decided to introduce myself. Turns out we were all heading to the same place, and by the time we got there I all but forgot about them.
On the next pub crawl (there were about 3/week, I remember attending 9 total…) I recognized a face, it was the guy from the other night, Simon from Sweden! We hung out the rest of the night alongside his Swedish counterpart, Robert.
When I woke up the next day, I had more or less forgotten about them. It was time to get out of bed and eat so Will and I travelled on the beach to get to one of the cheaper restaurants. On the way there we bumped into Simon and Robert, and we were greeted with a HUGE hug. Must have been a good night haha.
For the next few nights we kept on running into and partying with our Swedish friends, and every time we ran into each other our faces lit up and it was like everything was whole again. Just pure loving bliss (no homo.)
Meanwhile, through inexplicable means, the ball-gazer made a reemergence. I’m sure the first one came through an interaction between Simon and me and quickly became our inside joke.
The ball-gazer is incredible because it is not subject to any one culture or nation. In fact, it is more or less “the circle game” that transcends all barriers. In a way it represents love; it’s like “ha, I got you!” in the purest and simplest form. And the reaction is almost universal: the deepest of eye-rolls and the most loving of “fuck you’s.”
In a way, the ball-gazer is symbolic of life. In the simplest and silliest action, our stream of consciousness is broken and we are reminded of the profound connection we have to this shared moment.
Robert and I talked about getting a tattoo and we promised that we’d get one together.
A few days go by and finally, on Christmas Eve, we reunite with Simon and Robert; it seemed that we hadn’t seen each other for an eternity.
We drink, we smoke, we party.
At one point during the night, I told Robert that I’m ready for the tattoo; he was ready too.
We stumbled over to the tattoo studio where the artists always waved and smiled every time we walked by. We explained what we wanted and they sketched it out to meet our nod of approval. We sat down, and for the first time, I (drunkenly) experienced what getting a tattoo encompasses. Meanwhile, an Italian girl repeatedly confirmed how awesome our new tattoos are going to be!
It was a special moment because I was with someone I had only known for 10 days but it had felt that we knew each other long before that, long before this lifetime. We managed to connect over being human, despite all of our differences; we connected over our love of love.
Love everybody; love yourself.
One Love.
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That’s what my tattoo means, as simple and as complex as that is.